While going through my old Blog Archives, I found this post that I never posted. I am not sure why? (Maybe because there were no pictures?) It is over a year and a half old, and something that I didn’t write about just then, but can add now is that I was pregnant and in my first trimester with Elliot at the time this was written. Maybe that’s why I was so emotional???
The only constant in life is change…
One thing I never fully understand, but always learn to appreciate is the hand of the Lord in my life. I often start out questioning his hand, whenever there is a major change in my life. But I am also the type of person, who eventually understands pieces of why the Lord does the things he does (I am sure I’ll never understand everything, but it is good to gain a small piece of comprehension) and am always very grateful for them. The hand of the Lord has been with us constantly directing us in so many good ways, that I really have no doubt in my mind that he has led us to be where we are today.
Well, a big change this way cometh, and my latest questioning began when we received a call to come and meet with the Stake President. Later on that same evening, I got a call informing us that the Bishopric in our ward was changing….Hmm, coincidence? I don’t think so. Before I married Christopher, I knew the high quality caliber man he was, and still is. I know he is true to his testimony of the gospel, therefore knowing the true Love of Christ. Knowing this, I know he will serve diligently and willing when and where he can. I knew this call from the Stake Presidency meant, something big but what? I knew something big was coming…
But before I get to that, let me share something else. For me I like to get to have things scheduled, a routine, and then with that, I can move forward successfully in my life. For me, I can accomplish so much more in life through simple scheduling, I have a big list of things to do daily, and in order to accomplish them, plan ahead, and not end up at the store every single day of the week, I have to plan things, and organize things. But there must be something I am obviously not learning…because my life keeps getting thrown out of schedule. Once I get it in a groove again, it gets MAJORLY thrown out of wack again…
So is true of the change for our family that occurred today. Christopher got a new calling as Executive Secretary. Currently I am the Enrichment Counselor in the RS Presidency. And while Christopher was being set apart today, with the other members of the Bishopric, I began to have huge doubts about my ability to support our family through this busy time in our lives. How am I going to be able to schedule it all? If we were newly married, it would be a piece of cake. But being a mom can be hard enough on some days. My boys are old enough now, that we get through without too many crisis during the day, but they are incredibly active boys, who require constant supervision and stimulation. With a husband who will be gone often, do I have the inner strength and patience to be the parent they need and who they are going to be spend most of there time with? Christopher is my perfect help-meet, he is my perfect half in every way, he balances me, including being the perfect half to my parenting style, and being exactly what the boys need. I doubt myself, and my abilities to be this person I need to be right now.
But then I have to stop. And ask myself is this fear I am having?
And I answer myself, Yes it is.
Can faith and fear be in the same place at the same time?
Again, answering myself, No.
What am I am going to choose, faith or fear?
So will our family make it?
Yes, we will, because where great things are required, great blessings are given in return. My life will get on schedule again, we will adjust, before the next big change comes. And I know and must remember that we will do more than just ‘make it’. We will be blessed beyond our understanding, so then why do I doubt?
Human nature? I don’t know. But I still doubt myself and my abilities, but again, must have faith that the Lord knows me and my abilities better than I do.
Thank Goodness I can have faith in him, his understanding, and his hand in my life.
And such gratitude feels my soul in knowing I am married to a wonderful, worthy priesthood holder who can go where the Lord wants him to go, and will do so willingly. I am so blessed.
Now over a year an a half later, with the arrival of a new member of our family, and MANY other changes, I can say with out a doubt that the Lord does indeed know me, and my family. We have now transitioned to this new phase of callings, and all have adjusted. It is our new normal. Again, as I read this I ask myself, why do I ever doubt the Lord? He knows me and my family, and wants to bless us.